My Dog Franks

Franks be learning the macramé.

High Standards

My sister Claudine was recently setting up an online dating profile, after ditching her husband in a scuba accident. She enlisted the aid of our other sisters to identify the traits of her ideal mate. It quickly descended into a litany of complaints about men. I was privy to the whole, hurtful text chain.

What follows are the least desirable traits in a man.

Dainty Hands

A Sour Discharge- Alarmed, I sought clarification. "From anywhere."

Most -ISMs- Including sexism, racism, fascism, feminism, communism, frotteurism, evangelism. Voyeurism got some upvotes, but not as many as you all porndogs would have liked. Said Claudine, "I dated a feminist guy after college. It was his way of taking credit for me having a job and working my ass off so he could hang around all day smoking weed."

Blouses

Trump Boners- This includes, but is not limited to, erections possessed by actual members of the Trump clan. Also, "All those alpha-talking omegas on facebook who get wet for TopTroll." Messy gendered arousal metaphors aside, my sisters don't dig culty whites.

A Blogger Account

Penis Named After A Famous Actor- Joaquin Penix, Finn Wolfhard, Johnny Deep, James Peen, Chris

Can't-ilingus, Won't-ilingus

Cognitive Dissonance

From the news feed today:

Researchers sequencing RNA from  Covid-19 have discovered that it quickly mutates into a more virulent form. This calls into question whether the current efforts at developing a vaccine are targeting the right strain of the virus and and suggests an even longer battle to manage this pandemic.

Also...

Adele shed some pounds and is looking fabulous.

Late Candidacy

It looks like we're headed for a repeat of 2016, when the two major political parties, all ginned up and ready for action, neglected to offer the voters credible, capable choices. There is no evidence to suggest that these tired old men are equipped to solve modern problems. Take for example, their attempts to solve our current, modern problems. So I'm going to jump into the fray and run for president. First off, I need a name for my emergent party.

TROLL HUNTERS: I like it but worry it might attract trolls who hunt.

DEMO-CATS: A bunch of pussies dismantling things.

COMMON SENSE PARTY: The campaign slogan could be a long world-weary sigh...

S.T.F.U. PARTY: More of a political philosophy than a coalition name.

GOP: Got Old Penis. Not sure why you'd brag, but you do you.

SEX PARTY: Never been, sounds stressful.

HAMMER PARTY: Most promising. Implies the smashing of many things. Also name Chicago noise band Big Black's anthology album from 1986 with hits like 'Cables' and 'Steelworker.'

EMERGENT PARTY: This works. Simple rules that yield complex results. Organized in fractal patterns. Evolves. Damn, this is live!

Jones Emergent 2020.